Zombie Apocalypse

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: Starting the Rebuild

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Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: Starting the Rebuild

Okay, so far we’ve covered a lot of ground in just surviving and eking out a safe space to keep on surviving. By this point, you’re well into the Zombie Apocalypse and it’s time to change the game a bit. Instead of just surviving, you want to begin focusing on living, growing, and thriving with an eye towards rebuilding a viable civilization and reversing the Zombie Apocalypse.

So, how do you do that? Well, it’s not that easy. It took humans well over one hundred thousand years to develop civilization. It took us close to three thousand years to build a society that was capable of technological, legal, social, economic, and political change and adaptation without constant bloodshed (hat tip to Greece and Rome for pointing us in the right direction). Luckily, we don’t have to re-invent everything (we already know a lot and have the whole “writing” thing down) but we will have to regain a good bit of lost ground. Things are going to go backwards for a while — they’ll have to. Our current system relies heavily on electricity and the wonder that is the internal combustion engine. Those things go “bye-bye” during the Zombie Apocalypse.


Oh hell no…you mean to tell me there aren’t any showers up in here?

Some of you probably laughed when I suggested raiding a library or making certain you stole or “gathered in” as many books as you could. Well, get ready to eat those giggles. Those books are going to teach you things like “how to find metals,” “how to smelt and forge metals into tools,” “how to generate electricity,” “what electricity is and how it works,” “why you really want to try to set up base not too far from a nuclear power plant because that sucker will *still* be generating electricity and all you need to do is figure out how the controls work to harness it,” as well as “how to build a sewage system (and you will need one),” and “how to deal with tainted water.”

This is the point in the Zombie Apocalypse when, if you’re recruiting people, you’ll want to risk reaching out to lone wolves to see if any of them are just gun-shy individuals who possess a lot of knowledge or useful skills but might not be able to small-talk their way out of a paper bag (like me). Case in point: if you need a system (damned near any kind of system) worked out or you need to understand how one worked before, I’m really good at that. I have a talent that borders on “freaky super-power” for seeing how different parts/units/things/subsystems are composed and how they interact with each other in the larger system. Computers, computer programs and languages, computer networks, legal systems (the framework, not the actual practice), medical devices, surgical procedures, organ systems, communication and transport networks, molecules, galaxies — to me, they’re all just different kinds of systems organized of various components and sub-components with certain behaviors and rule-sets that interact in predictable and logical manners (with the occasional emergent property or three) and they can be deciphered, understood, and explained. That means they can also be harnessed and manipulated (with stipulations).


…Dammit, tell Daryl not to bring back any more systems nerds unless they have their manuals or a translation guide with them.

But if you ask me which shoes go with a certain purse or to comment on the latest celebrity sex scandal…well, I’m less than clueless there. I have finally learned who the Kardashians are. I’m still not certain who Taylor Swift or Kayne West is, though, other than that Kayne interrupted some awards ceremony because he really likes Beyonce (who is a singer…I think). I don’t know what clothes look good on me; I care very little about that. I know a handful of actors’ names and it’s because they’ve played characters I really liked. Trying to engage me in small talk is…just don’t do it. It’s not a good idea for you or for me. Conversations heard in my house (I had to move back in with my parents) often go like this:

Me: *staring into space* What’s the oldest civilization? When was it started? The Egyptians were, what, 4000 BC?
My mom: I think they were around 2000 BC so civilization would be 4000 years old (she’s used to my random questions)
Me: Actually, wait…didn’t the Chinese have a dynasty that was a few centuries, maybe a thousand years before that?
Mom: I don’t know. But I don’t go into all that lost civilization from 10,000 years…
Me: No! Neither do I. I’ve got this idea for a sci-fi story set 10,000 years in the future so I’m trying to find a data point to extrapolate from on how garbled events from the current era would be to people living in 12,000 AD. Because even with video…
Mom: Well, even with video, that’s no guarantee. I have 8-track tapes that I can’t find a player for. There are VHS tapes but no one has a VCR these days…
Me: Yeah, true, but going digital did eliminate *some* of that. Still, there would be a lot of telephonic garble.
Mom: Okay…
Me: Because history is often like that telephone game. You know, where a kid whispers something to one kid who whispers it to another and another…
Mom: Yeah, I know.
Me: I guess I’ll go with the Chinese, then. Better chance for a closer data point to extrapolate from. Also, the language is more unified — modern Chinese is closer to ancient Chinese than modern English is to ancient Egyptian. Less drift. Makes them a better example to work from. Thanks!
Mom: …did you finish cleaning the kitchen?

I’m great with systems and I know a lot of things from books. But I am so not the person you invite to a social occasion that doesn’t involve sitting around a table rolling polyhedral dice and arguing over saving throws. That’s why, in a Zombie Apocalypse, I’ll probably stake out a place as a lone wolf or with a group of people I know very well.


I am so going to have this printed on a t-shirt one day. Anyone else want one?

Funny thing is, weird, quirky people like me generally wind up being damned useful at rebuilding. So, you have to go out and find us because we are not going to be looking for you. We’ll build our own slice of heaven and fucking. stay. there. Forever.

And speaking of finding and recruiting people…now that you’ve established a base camp worth defending, maybe it’s time to come up with some hard-and-fast rules on how people can join your merry little band of survivors?

— G.K.

Zombie Apocalypse Readers Rejoice: Risen Ash Updated!

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Zombie Apocalypse Readers Rejoice: Risen Ash Updated!

It’s Thursday, all, which means that it’s time for a little zombie apocalypse goodness with an update to Risen Ash. Serious discussions are taking place at the CDC involving paranoia, where to find information, and if people can be trusted. Shit is starting to get real, y’all, and eventually it’s all going to come to a head. But, for now, there’s work to be done so go read and find out…

As always, don’t forget that you can back me on Patreon or support my writing habit by getting a membership here today!

— G.K.

Zombie Apocalypse, Epic Fantasy, Police Thriller — Oh My!

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Zombie Apocalypse, Epic Fantasy, Police Thriller -- Oh My!

Good news, everyone! I haven’t forgotten you all this week. I just have had an insanely crazy-hectic-oh-my-God-it’s-been-weird kind of week and weekend preceding it which meant that I didn’t have time to get the updates I had finished integrated until this Wednesday night. However, hopefully things will be turning around soon-ish so my life will be a bit more stable and you’ll be getting your chapters on a more predictable time-frame. That said, all is not puppies, kittens, and rainbows in Warden’s Keep. Rooster and Pig’s other owner has had a serious medical emergency. He’s okay but I’m scrambling to take care of getting this quarter’s royalty statements done and sent out as well as finishing up the new R&P website and eCommerce site. There’s also a good bit of trying to figure out who’s doing what, when, and all and trying to take care of my own side of things.

Sometimes I think Sisyphus is a slacker, yo.

Anyway, the latest chapters of The Masterminds, The Search for the Seven Scepters, In the Shadow of Yggdrasil, and Risen Ash are up for all of you who are looking to scratch your zombie apocalypse, epic fantasy, or police thriller itches or cravings. So go and get your reads on!





Don’t forget that you can back me on Patreon or support my writing habit by getting a membership here now!

— G.K.

Zombie Apoc Readers Rejoice: Risen Ash Updated!

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Zombie Apoc Readers Rejoice: Risen Ash Updated!

Happy Thursday, everyone! I’ve just posted the latest chapter of my zombie apoc fic Risen Ash for your reading enjoyment. Reunions and search-and-rescues are the name of the game right now and we’re starting to get a sense of different group dynamics in Atlanta and just how quickly things can go into the crapper in the event of a mass die-off. Also, we finally get to see Merle in this chapter so yay!

As always, don’t forget that you can back me on Patreon or support my writing habit by getting a membership here today!

— G.K.

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: Meeting Other Groups

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Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: Meeting Other Groups

If you’re lucky enough to have survived the initial Outbreak, gotten out of the population centers, and found (or started) a group of your own, eventually, you are going to run across other groups of survivors during your wanderings in search of a safe haven to set up a permanent (or semi-permanent) base of operations. These groups will have their own social and leadership structures and you will need to be prepared to deal with them and to size them up quickly so as to not find yourself and your own group at a complete disadvantage. Some groups will consist of good people and you may want to combine forces or form an alliance or pact with them even if you don’t merge your groups together (which can carry its own problems since merging command structures can be very problematic even in a non-high-stress environment). Others will be harmless either because they lack the ability (due to lack of access to weaponry or numbers) to harm you or they lack the will to do so. The last group, the largest group, is the Asshole Category and they have various degrees of “avoid,” “destroy,” “kill on sight,” or “nuke from orbit.”

Small, Friendly Groups

The fact of the matter is the most common group you’ll run across will be the small, friendly group. Now, they will be wary if they’ve survived very long but so long as everyone is careful, it’s clear that everyone is free to go at any point, and no attempts are made to take anything from anyone, communicating with them and establishing relations with them should be easy and straightforward. Most of these groups will be family groups or friends who are living a nomadic lifestyle as they search for a safe place to hunker down. The smallest groups may be willing to integrate themselves into a larger overgroup. They may also be open to forming a loose confederation in exchange for a mutual defense agreement, trade, and access to food, water, and medical supplies. You will want to exercise caution and discretion before taking them in, though.

Large, Friendly Groups

If you have established your own base of operations and are scouting or if you and your group are wandering in search of a place to secure and settle down, you may run across a much larger group. This group may have its own scouting parties out who are either tasked with actively recruiting members (in which case you may be asked to consider joining if you meet their requirements and needs), with merely keeping an eye on people passing through their territory, or with keeping trespassers out. If you are approached by a scout who announces himself and provides tangible evidence of the existence of a larger group and the guidelines for joining, consider hearing him out. Make certain that the outlines for any trial period are clear and include the right to exit the community with the provisions and gear you brought in to it (or an equivalent amount), that there is either a set date for the trial period to end or a set event to conclude it after which your group would be considered full and equal members with the same rights as everyone else, and that all members of your group will be granted a single orientation meeting where all of the rules, laws, mores, and enforceable customs of the community will be outlined along with their punishments. A reasonable question-and-answer session should follow that session to make certain everyone understands what they’re getting into. If you decide not to join with this larger group, request a meeting with a trade delegation at an external location to discuss opening trade with them. Keep in mind that trade can include news as well as goods and services.

If the group does not have those things prepared, then they really aren’t prepared to absorb outsiders. You should point that out to them and suggest that they reconsider their recruitment drive until they’ve organized their immigration policy better. You might still consider going with them but you will want to negotiate to keep as much independence as you can and insist that they retain their own. Co-existence and cooperation should be the goal while you work out your relationships.

Friendly Itinerant Groups

No matter how far along you are during the Zombie Apocalypse, you’re going to come across wandering groups. These groups will differ in that they have given up finding any place to permanently settle down and are content to keep moving. For some of them, safety may be in staying mobile. Others may have mastered the art of trading and become peddlers. A rare few may have even formed mobile societies or tribes much like the Tuatha’an from The Wheel of Time. Your first contact with these groups should be cautious until you know their ways. Once that’s established — they’ll have developed ways of detecting and dealing with others — you can open relations with them. However, they will probably not join your group or form any kind of lasting alliance beyond non-exclusive trade. Still, it is wise to give them some supplies, any news or warnings you can provide, and then let them go on their way. If this is their first time through your established territory, just let them know who you are and where your base is (or where your outpost is if you don’t want your permanent base to be a known location for outsiders), what territory you claim and who your neighbors are and your relations with them, and then try to establish a good rapport with them. It’s always better to have friends, after all!

Lone Wolves

From time to time, you’ll run across an individual or a very couple who, for whatever reason, have struck out on their own. They might be nomads just passing through or they may have established a small base camp. However, no matter how friendly you are to them or how welcoming you seem, they may reject any offer to join your group. At best, they’ll just be skittish and wary. At worst, they’ll be unfriendly. Your best strategy here is to move along. If they happen to set up in your territory (without them knowing it) and are not causing you any problem, leave them be. Simply let them know that they are in your territory and that you just want to know who they are and why they wish to be left alone. Their reasons could range from a simple disdain for other people or an inability to deal with social conventions well (like yours truly here) to having suffered some very bad experiences in other groups and taking a rational “wait and see” approach before deciding to put themselves at your mercy. So long as you have adequate guards, lone wolves are not a threat.

Nutty Normals

In the midst of a Zombie Apocalypse, you’re going to find people who are out to prove that “de Nile, she ain’t jes’ a river in Egypt.” At best, they’re harmless farmers who think that the undead are just sick and that a cure is coming Real Soon Now and so they’ve kept the zombies locked up securely in their barn. So long as no Drama Queens break the lock and chain, everyone’s fine. At worst, they’re psychos who are trying to build a little slice of Pleasantville where everyone can have barbeques and cookouts and parties and cotillions without having to deal with the fact that the undead are trying to eat them just outside of whatever flimsy barricade they’ve built up. If you come across a community where you’re asked to surrender your weapons before entering, you may have stumbled on a den of nutcases led by someone in denial (at best) or a man who’s building a harem and your women are fair game (at worst). This is why establishing the rules for trial membership is so crucial — if you are ever asked to disarm yourself, you need to be very wary. There needs to be a damned good reason for it and that reason needs to be explained to you before you surrender your weapon.

Warlords

Strongmen who can gather other strongmen and toughs to their cause will win out early on. They’ll establish tribal structures and set themselves up as warlords. They will also kidnap women whose sole purpose will be to take care of the “needs” of the warriors. Any time a warlord’s army conquers new territory, the men will be executed and the women will be held captive. These are some of the worst kinds to deal with because the only way to handle them is either to kill them or to be so much stronger than them they won’t take you on. In the midst of a Zombie Apocalypse, you are not going to have the resources in manpower to imprison or rehabilitate them so, really, crippling them or executing them is about the only way to defeat them. Also, depending on how long the women have been held, some of them may have succumbed to Stockholm Syndrome and you may simply have to kill them as well.

That said, if you can outgun them and you can make it clear that they live only by your sufferance and that their leader keeps his place only so long as he doesn’t piss you off (and you will have to get in his face and make it that clear), then you can keep them on a leash somewhat. However, it is a bit like keeping a rabid dog on a leash so caveat emptor, dude.

Restorers

You’ll run into these types often enough — send them away or along and do not get involved. They’re a special case of denialist who believe that they and their group are on a mission to restore the world (or the United States) and that anyone who opposes them must be destroyed. Make it clear that you are simply trying to survive and that you wish them all the best but that you have your family to look out for. You do not want to get dragged into a fight for territory or resources unless you absolutely have to.

Scumbags

Your group will eventually encounter scumbags. They might be individuals who were kicked out of another group or they might just be drifters who have made a living of preying on innocent survivors. Regardless, the only thing you can do for them is send them on to the next life. Hold them only long enough to find out if they really are part of a larger group (scumbags will occasionally form warlord bands) that poses a threat to your group and then get rid of them. Permanently.

So, with all that said — where’s the best place for you to set up a base of operations? Well, we’ll talk about that next time!

— G.K.

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse — Who To Take

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Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse -- Who To Take

…and who to avoid and why.

Early on, if you’re a decent person, your impulse will be to try to save as many people as you can. And, if the Outbreak looks like it’s going to be contained and controlled and a promising treatment developed soon, that’s not a bad idea. However, if the Outbreak overwhelms civil authorities and you find yourself in the midst of a full-fledged “The End Is Nigh” apocalypse, you’re going to want to be a bit pickier about who you save and who you leave to fend for themselves. Now, bear in mind that this is just a list of guidelines and suggestions and not a hard-and-fast Gospel so with your grain of sodium chloride ingested, we shall proceed.

Those To Save

Defenders

This is my wall and I’mma guard it, k?

It’s a simple fact that any group is going to need a good number of defenders. These are your Ricks and Dales. Almost all the able-bodied adults (male and female) will be called on to handle defense but there will be a couple of them for whom defense of the group is going to be a primary calling. Leadership might also tend to go naturally towards them or it might not but they will generally be mostly concerned with strategies that ensure that the group survives over the long term and that the people within the group have their talents and skills used in ways that benefit the group’s chances to survive.

That said, the defenders will tend to get so focused on survival that they will forget all about living and growing. They do suffer from tunnel vision and can adopt something of a bunker-mentality wherein anyone outside the group is not to be trusted. They will need the occasional break from defense to something else in order to keep this from happening.

Builders

Is Jim gonna have to smack a bitch?

Builders are good, too. These are your mechanics, your carpenters, your handy-men. If you break it, they can fix it. Most of them will have worked with their hands before the Outbreak but some of them will not. Those who weren’t handy-men (or women) before the Outbreak will generally have a way of looking at things or seeing potential in a place or in items and inventing something that makes you remember the scene from Apollo 13 when the NASA guys managed to make the “wrong” CO2 filter fit in the CLM opening so the crew wouldn’t asphyxiate on the return trip (it was awesome). You’ll want these people around because they’ll make life so much simpler and they’ll be able to repair, replenish, or just flat out invent and innovate their way through the Outbreak. Sometimes their hair-brained ideas will blow up in your face but sometimes those ideas will lead to breakthroughs that make Salk look like a slacker.

However, the two types of builders exist in a very yin-yang relationship. Sometimes they get along great and you’d think they are all speaking a language that no one else knows. Other times getting them to work together makes herding cats look simple.

Teachers

Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I’ve gone stupid, son

Teachers are those who have knowledge and can pass it on to others. And, yes, everyone is going to be a teacher in some form or fashion during the ZA. However, the elderly and women who are pregnant or with young children will generally be the primary teachers in your group just because that’s how the resources are going to fall out. That said, if you stumble across someone who is a biologist, a chemist, an engineer, a physicist, an astronomer, or has other highly advanced knowledge of the sciences like that — save them unless they are completely irredeemable because that knowledge is fucking invaluable.

Thinkers

What? It’s true

Thinkers come in all shapes and sizes. They’re not just the verbose, lettered, bookish types who can quote all manner of esoteric arcana at the drop of a hat like me. Some of them are the surly, crossbow-wielding type who could track the wind over rocks. The commonality is that we all live in our heads, we tend not to deal well with other people, social graces escape us completely, we’re way outside our comfort zone dealing with “teh feelz” of any kind, we tend to act quickly and sort out how we feel about it much later (if ever) and some of us can rationalize damn near anything even if we know it’s immoral and unethical.

Still, we generally come in useful, we’re fairly low maintenance, we pitch in and help out, and aside from the fact that we have a tendency not to socialize, we’re not bad people.

Workers

You can count on us for anything

These are the people who don’t fit into any particular category above or who maybe kind of fit into some of them but not completely. They may not be specialists but they work hard, are honest, do their share, make life easy for others, are fun to be around, and genuinely care for the rest of the group. You need them if you’re ever going to have any hope of rebuilding the world. These are people like Glenn, Beth, T-Dog, Carol, Martinez, Michonne, Tara, Tyreese, Carl… They aren’t perfect but then, no one is.

Those To Avoid

Drama Queens

Avoid. Avoid. Avoid!

It doesn’t matter how close you are to them, how long you’ve known them, how much you care for them, or how skilled they are — drama queens are going to be more trouble than they are worth and they are going to get you killed. In the ZA, the energy they consume is going to be greater than that which they contribute. Their need to be the center of attention and the constant siren-call of their psyche for self-reinforcing immediate gratification is going to get you (and everyone else) eaten by the undead. Avoid them. Avoid them at all costs.

Syphilitic Donkeys

Heed my advice: don’t stick it in the crazy

If the population drops by 90%, there’s going to be chaos. Yes, you are going to need to concern yourself with reproducing and that means you are going to have to start thinking about things like genetic variability and possibly considering alternate marriages like line marriages (as from The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress) or something like that to avoid the bottleneck (or Founder’s) effect which can happen if things get really, really, REALLY bad (like if there are less than 10,000 people in the world). However, even with those “alternative” schemes in mind, adultery cannot be tolerated. Men and women who have committed to a relationship — in whatever form that takes in your group — have to be faithful. If they’re not, then that behavior can’t be tolerated.

It’s not actually the sex per se that is the problem — it’s the secrecy and betrayal. Minus those, it wouldn’t be a problem.

Egomaniacal Totalitarian Messiah Wannabes

Bet you thought I was gonna post The Governor

You will run into more of these than you would have believed. Most of them will be very charismatic, persuasive, and charming or will be able to claw their way to the top of a power structure and use their influence over the muscle to maintain their power base. If you happen to stumble across a group like this, get away from them and put as much distance between you and them as you can. They will wind up destroying their group and killing whoever is with them once their ego is threatened and, in a ZA, their ego will be threatened.

There is one last group of people — the largest group of people, actually. They are the Questionables. Some of them can be saved and some of them can’t. It will all come down to your individual experience with them.

In our next entry, we’ll go over some of the forms of groups that you’ll encounter might take and how to deal with them and their command structures.

— G.K.

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: The Initial Outbreak

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Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: The Initial Outbreak

(Earlier posts in this series: Surviving the ZA and Preparing for the ZA)

Okay, so, chances are that you may be stumbling across this guide during the early days of the Zombie Apocalypse. How will you know if there’s a Zombie Apocalypse (ZA) in progress? Well, first of all, it will be all over the news. Secondly, I’ll put up this helpful little graphic that I’m basing on the Department of Homeland Security’s Terrorism warning graphic thingy (totally the official name):

If it goes to OMGWTFZABBQ (aka “Red”) then there’s a ZA in progress. Grab your guns, grab your gear, and get ready to get the hell out of Dodge. Do not go to the nearest Four Seasons hotel and cry because that’s not going to do you or anyone else any good.

The first news reports may be confused because, let’s be frank, journalists are communications majors — not infectious disease specialists, doctors, or biologists. However, even they will be hard-pressed to screw up reports about people who were pronounced dead suddenly reviving and then biting those around them. The civil authorities may attempt to suppress the stories for a short time in order to prevent mass panic or to put their own forces in a position to try to contain the outbreak and keep it quarantined. If they are successful, then the ZA will be averted and the whole thing will probably be classified and we’ll never know about it.

However, the US government can’t even keep the Secret Service Agents Gone Wild under wraps and they can’t keep the Chinese out of their own “secure” networks so color me skeptical that they’d be able to actually contain a ZA itself and keep it secret.

In the early stages, the best play is to follow the advice of the wise Douglas Adams: Don’t Panic. Pack your gear. Pack your guns. Plan your escape route and at least four meet-up locations. Communicate your plans to your friends and family. Go ahead and stock up on non-perishables if the stores aren’t sold out. Continue to report to work but keep a pistol with you at all times and to hell with the laws and any “gun-free zones” because zombies don’t care (this applies only during an active ZA — if a ZA is not in progress, obey the law or work to change it and respect the rules of any private establishment or opt not to enter it unless you can convince the owners to change their policies). Keep your car filled and an extra gas can filled in case you need to split in a hurry.

If you start hearing reliable reports that the outbreak has breached quarantine or see such evidence for yourself, then vacate your home and all populated areas immediately. If social collapse begins to encroach on your region or seems likely, retreat is advisable — sooner rather than later.

How will you know when the collapse is coming or if the outbreak has breached quarantine if there are no reports? Well, a zombie-plague will probably have an extremely high fatality rate — something on the order of at least 80% and probably closer to 95%. Hell, it might even be up there with rabies which has a fatality rate of 100%.* You are going to have a high number of people either sick or dead and thus not reporting in to work. Assuming a rate of 75% (the lowest figure I’m going to go with for a ZA), that’s 75% of people who aren’t there to work in power plants, who aren’t driving delivery trucks, who aren’t running the trains to deliver fuel, who aren’t operating the control stations along the grid, who aren’t monitoring the communication relay networks…


The death toll will look something like this…

The electricity will become unreliable. Internet usage will become unstable and then cut out. The lights will go dark. Television transmissions over cable and satellite will end. Popular broadcasts over the airwaves will cease. The phones will go dead. At this point, communications will fall back to the early twentieth century (at best). Radio and line-of-sight. You may be able to get on the HAM radio network and keep in contact with people or on a CB radio. If you have a UHF device, that will work, too. However, powering those devices is very quickly going to become an issue because, as I mentioned, the electrical grid is going to shut down. It can’t run unmanned for very long. You need to get out of town before the lights go out. I’d suggest getting out as soon as you start hearing reliable reports of a massive increase in death toll or seeing the effects yourself. Chances are that the major metros will be hit first and worst early on. New York will stop broadcasting. When that happens, it’s time to get out.

Now, where should you go? The suburbs? No. You want to get out further than that. And don’t be stupid and go to Yellowstone or some other major national park. Thousands of people are going to have already thought of that and will be there ahead of you. Get out to the closest rural area you can that has a constant source of free-flowing water — a river, a stream, whatever. If you own the land, great. If you know the owners and they’ll let you stay there, awesome. If no one owns it, fine. If it’s claimed already, move on. You want to find a place where you can forage and hunt, construct a reasonable defense against the zombies, see them coming, but that isn’t so attractive that someone else will kill you for it.

Also, this is the point where you need to start berating yourself for not planning better and promising that, once you’ve survived this thing, you’re going to fix that.

In the next post, we’ll look at who you should consider having in your group and who you should definitely not take along for the ride.

— G.K.

*By the time the disease is identified, the government will have announced how the symptoms can be identified so that people who have it can be placed in quarantine because — believe it or not — the government does actually have a vested interest in keeping things like a ZA from wiping out its citizens. So, taking even a low-ball figure of 75% fatality (and assuming a 75% transmission rate via indirect contact or 100% via direct contact like biting), if the disease breaks out of its quarantine and the dead start rising, there is going to be a very swift exponential increase in body count where the bodies don’t stay dead.

The exact formula to show this is (bN)(S/N)Z = bSZ and was published by Robert J. Smith? in “Mathematical Modeling of Zombies” (University of Ottawa Press, 2014). The key problem is that zombies never reach a stable-state with humans like other diseases do so there is never a drop-off or plateau on their side unless humans kill enough of them or contain them successfully for long enough.

Also, logically, there are only a few forms a zombie-plague can take. It will need to have the infection rate of something like the flu — perhaps a mutant strain of the Spanish Influenza of 1911 — or the measles. It will need to have the fatality rate of rabies. It will need to affect the brain and nervous system like rabies and meningitis. So, it will most likely be a virus or bacteria with a long incubation period (up to 14 days before onset of symptoms) during which it’s contagious and spread through airborne spray (sneezing, coughing) or touch (door knobs, handshakes) the way the cold and flu are now. Then the symptoms set in and the person dies from them. Post mortem, the person reanimates and then continues to spread the disease by biting others (the way rabies is spread).

Preparing For the Zombie Apocalypse

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Preparing For the Zombie Apocalypse

The first part of any plan is preparation. This guide assumes that, if you’re reading the “Preparation” chapter, the zombie apocalypse is currently only forecast, not imminent, ongoing, or — God forbid — over. So, you currently have some leisure time to use to preparing for the day when zombies rise up and begin feasting upon humanity’s tasty still-living innards. That means (for the slower amongst you) that you should take the time to purchase necessary gear, make notes, and prepare yourselves mentally for the day when the excrement hits the circular ventilator and the undead horde comes a-growlin’.

Preparation Plans of Vital Importance:
1) This shirt and/or poster from Dinosaur Comics — Buy this shirt and/or poster. Actually, get multiple copies. Like two for each family member. Seriously. Quit looking at me like I’ve gone crazy. The information on these items can act as a very useful reference tool during the zombie apocalypse. It’s a succinct guide to how to cobble together useful modern inventions that you may not be able to find when the local big box stores are looted and/or home to a hungry horde of the undead.


This shirt might save your life. Don’t thank me; thank Ryan North who came up with it (and who I hope won’t be bothered by my borrowing the image)

2) Purchase a composite bow or crossbow — Unless you have access to the materials to make gunpowder, reloading equipment, and knowledge of gunsmithing, chances are that, in time, you’re going to run out of bullets or your gun is going to need repair. After repeated use, guns need to be taken apart and cleaned and you may find that supplies to do so and to keep all of the moving parts oiled are in very short supply. However, a bow and arrows are technology that anyone can learn to maintain. True, today’s composite bows aren’t nearly as durable or easy to maintain as the old English longbows but they are much easier to use and repair. Keep plenty of spare bowstrings with you. Also, learn how to make your own arrows since, during the ZA, you probably won’t be able to stop off at the sporting goods store to pick up extra ones.

A crossbow is great for women since it doesn’t require as much upper-body strength to use. It’s also great for weirdos like me who have to aim out of their left eye but are right handed (meaning we have to use a southpaw bow to have a hope of hitting the target but can’t pull it back because our main arm is the right arm, not the left). It’s also easier to learn to use and aim than a regular bow (though still more difficult than a gun).


Crossbows aren’t just for badasses

3) Store up food reserves — Store non-perishable food like uncooked rice, pasta, boxed macaroni and cheese, Ramen noodles, canned foods (like Spaghetti-oes with meatballs), jerky, salt, and sugar. None of these require refrigeration and they can all be cooked or eaten without needing anything more complicated than an open flame. Keep water on-hand as well — either bottled or in re-usable jugs. You will need to pay attention to expiration dates on the bottles and will need to switch the jugs around every so often. Water doesn’t “spoil” per se but it does become undrinkable after a few weeks/months depending on the atmosphere.

4) Stock up on power reserves — Batteries, solar panels, windmills, waterwheels, and gasoline can all be stored for varying amounts of time. Gasoline with ethanol in it will tend to collect water which, over time, will make it impossible to ignite. You can refine and re-distill it with the appropriate tools and knowledge. You can also use distilled corn whiskey to power a car for a while so you might want to consider adding a still to your list here.


Can double as a fuel-maker in a pinch

5) Gather trade-able hard currency — Paper currency and coins are very quickly going to be worthless for anything other than vending machines. Gold, silver, platinum, and gemstones will wind up acting as de facto currency immediately after the ZA ends while the world is putting itself back together. So, if you can, gather them together and cache them some place. Don’t keep them with you during the ZA — it’s too likely that you’ll either be robbed or unable to trade them for anything useful without losing a lot of value. You might keep some smaller ones with you — just in case.

6) Prepare a safe place to bolt when the SHTF — We’ll go over this in more detail later but, if you’ve been preparing ahead of time, one thing you definitely need is a place to bolt to when things get too bad where you are. This is mostly if you live in the city or in a suburban area near a city. Cities will be the absolute worst places to be during the ZA. You’ll want to be at least an hour from any city larger than 100,000 and two to three hours away from any major urban hubs like Atlanta, Dallas, Houston, Phoenix, Austin, Orlando, Miami, Sacramento, Cincinnati, Seattle, Portland, St. Louis, Las Vegas, and Detroit. Getting away from the East Coast and West Coast urban corridors (Boston-NYC-Philadelphia-DC-Baltimore on the East Coast, Los Angeles-San Francisco-San Diego on the West Coast) is absolutely critical. Five hours or more is recommended.

Your safe house should be in an area where you are not easily seen from any high traffic roads. It should either be set in a clear area where you can see at least a half-mile in any direction or, if you are blocked in one or more directions, those areas should be difficult for vehicles or large groups of people to move through undetected. The house should have a basement or storm cellar with a strong ceiling and a single main entrance with a heavy door that locks on both sides. You’ll want to keep plenty of food in the basement in case a horde of the undead or a group of ne’er-do-wells comes through and you need to hide out. Ideally, you’ll have a tunnel hidden in the basement with a second locking door that will allow you to escape to a camouflaged (and locked) entrance some distance away.

This home should have plenty of fields for planting different crops, pastures for cattle, a barn (with a basement), stables for horses, pigs, chicken coops, water, a fruit orchard, vegetable and herb gardens, and should be defensible with a secure perimeter.

7) Learn some basic medical skills and stock up on medical gear and drugs — This includes local botany and a bit of pharmacology. Take course from the local Red Cross for first responders. Study up on how to set broken bones, sew stitches, perform minor surgery, and perform a C-section. You might also want to learn how to remove teeth safely. Anything more than that is probably going to be beyond your ability without access to a blood bank, a sterile environment, and advanced respiratory and cardiac equipment, and a lot of surgical tools. You’ll want to focus on learning about the most common illnesses and treatments for them. You might also want to learn about some of the now-less-common illnesses such as measles, mumps, rubella, typhoid fever, cholera, and the like.

Just because it will come up: no, there is no such plant, herb, or anything that acts as a “natural” birth control pill. There was such a thing but it went extinct during the Roman era.


If someone had known what they were doing, Lori would still be annoying us with her presence

8) Stock up on purification and sterilization equipment — Get some iodine or water purification tablets and equipment. They will let you purify water when you’re on the go.

9) Get basic survival gear and learn some basic skills — Get a good hiking backpack, a small tent, a sleeping bag, canteen, flint and steel, a compass, and learn to use them all. Learn how to make fire in a variety of ways including making a firebow. Learn to track, hunt, and skin game. Learn to live off the land.

10) Consider purchasing a loom and some old-fashioned sewing gear — When there are no clothing stores, you’ll have to make what you have last and you’ll have to learn to re-purpose some items to fit others.


Loom required to make this poncho. Awesomeness required to make the badass wearing it

Once you have made your preparations and gotten your plans in order, you should be ready to weather the zombie apocalypse. At least, physically. Mentally and emotionally is going to wind up being a completely different story.

— G.K.

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

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Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

So, I’m a Walking Dead fan. As in I drive out of my way to watch it (I don’t have cable — my parents do). I’ve even read some really bad (and some really good) fanfics. Hell, I get story and character ideas from the show and the buzz around it. And yes, Daryl Dixon is my favorite character. No, not because he’s good-looking or a bad boy or any of that but because he understands the value of silence, speaks only when he has something to say, thinks things through, and is ruthlessly competent. He also doesn’t suffer fools and will go his own way if he thinks it’s right. Ask me and those things are so much more important than looks.


If I had something to say, I’d say it. Otherwise, I’mma just be quiet and do useful things.

He kinda reminds me of the guy I married. In good ways, sweetie, I promise.

Anyhow, The Walking Dead isn’t the first zombie apocalypse thing I’ve gotten into. There was Resident Evil when I was in high school, World War Z (the novel, not the crappy movie that only has the title in common with the book), 28 Days Later (Chris Eccleston was great in that)… But, The Walking Dead has gotten me thinking about the ZA (Zombie Apocalypse) in different ways. Not only are a friend of mine and I thinking about getting together and doing a MST3K-style webshow, but I’ve been thinking about the different types of survivors, the different ways they band together, how they’re impacted by the ZA and the collapse of social order, how many of them have no real useful skills for surviving and how those who do (like Rick, Daryl, Hershel, and Glenn) wind up carrying those who don’t.


Better survival strategy than 90% of people

So, in short, this show has gotten all of my little INTJ lights glowing. So many things to think about. Which brings me to my next point: my latest book idea — “How to survive the Zombie Apocalypse (and rebuild the world after)” (yeah, the title’s rough). I’m going to be posting excerpts and sample articles from it here on the site. If you have a particular topic you think I should include, feel free to suggest it and, if I’m not already planning to cover it (and I’m planning to cover a lot), I’ll add it and give you a mention in the Acknowledgements. Keep in mind I’m just looking for topics — not full articles. So, saying something like “how to re-establish communications overseas” is fine — giving me a point-by-point list on how that should happen is not fine.

Anyhow, with that out of the way — keep an eye out here (or on Twitter, Facebook, G+, Tumblr, or even Pinterest) to see the latest in this weird, random, rambling series!

— G.K.