I have been so exhausted for the past couple of days that I think a coma is in order to get my energy level back up above “zombie” in the evenings.
I’ve been back at work for a week now. I have my good days and my bad but even on better days, I find myself so damned tired by the time I get home that I can barely lift my feet off the ground to walk into the apartment. I haven’t fallen asleep on the bus (yet) but that’s only because I keep my music blasting fairly hard and generally drink a Coke in the afternoon before I leave the office.
It’s the having to “be myself” at work that I was before my brother died that’s draining me so much right now. It didn’t used to take this much energy to be witty, sarcastic, silly, and still pretty damned competent and efficient at my job in the past. That’s always been so easy that I still had plenty of energy left over for raiding or running dungeons in the evenings. Now I’m lucky if I can string together a coherent paragraph in Alayne’s Story after work. I hear my own voice over Ventrilo and I know I sound “off” at home but damned if I can find the energy to inject any kind of emotion in my voice other than the “Jesus Christ I’m tired and I want to go to bed” feeling.
And no, I’m not whining and saying that you guys won’t get an update. You’ll get one this week. And every week after that for the foreseeable future. I’m just so frickin’ tired, though, and I don’t really have any other place to whine about it than here.
Right, enough of that. Bed and then back to the grind tomorrow.
2 thoughts on “Exhausted”
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Al, if you are so tired as you make it sound, i would recommend you to stop writing the story for some time, atleast until you get back on the horse again.
rather wait a month with the next episode that seeing you burn yourself out and not getting the end of the story.
besides, i highly doubt it can be healthy to be so tired
If it keeps up for another week or two, that’s when I’ll start getting worried. I vaguely, vaguely recall being tired like this for a few days after my grandmother died when I was 15.
Fact is, I’m an introvert who can’t let loose in front of anyone other than my husband (and I hold it in around him because I suspect he’ll get annoyed with me if I don’t) so I’m probably carrying around emotions that are pretty heavy and am just mentally drained. That’s how it feels, at least. My mind is tired. Physically, I’m fine. And, you’re reading the worst of it because, well…welcome to my little sanctuary where I don’t have to worry about worrying everyone because like only three people read this site? I have cookies if you want some.
And, to be honest, I do feel a bit of satisfaction finishing even just two sentences a day. I’m no longer doing that “five pages a week” thing. Hell, I’m happy right now if I can get two pages a week done. At least after getting something done I can say “okay, I’ve been productive.”
TL;DR: I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I’m just whining because it’s not like I can really let myself say this anywhere other than here.